Masking, Burnout, and Being Intentional with Your ADHD
ADHD masking is a term that gets used often, but not always clearly. It has confused me at times because some of what I consider supportive behavior has been labeled as masking. This post focuses on ADHD masking, what it looks like, when it may be harmful, and how to incorporate healthy coping.
1. What is ADHD Masking?
Masking means attempting to hide or camouflage ADHD symptoms to blend in and appear neurotypical. While this post focuses on ADHD, masking occurs across many forms of neurodiversity.
For inattentive type ADHD, masking may look like:
Being overly early to avoid being late
Perfectionism, such as checking work more times than necessary
Rechecking items out of fear you forgot something
Focusing intensely in conversations out of fear you will space out
Writing everything down or heavily relying on alarms and reminders
Suppressing stimming
Creating an organized external life while internally feeling overwhelmed and exhausted
For hyperactive type ADHD, masking may look like:
Suppressing stimming or fidgeting
Staying quiet in conversations or being overly cautious with your words
Bottling up emotions to avoid appearing “too much”
Channeling hyperactivity into overworking so the energy looks productive
Over correcting your tone to avoid being perceived as loud
Holding in excitement to avoid being labeled intense
2. How is it harmful?
One of the most common harms is delayed diagnosis because symptoms are less visible to others.
Another is burnout. When masking requires extreme effort to make your uniquely wired brain appear neurotypical, it is exhausting. Over time, this can also lead to low self-esteem and a loss of sense of self.
3. How to make sure what I’m doing is healthy
To distinguish healthy coping from harmful masking, intention matters. If you are using tools that make your life easier and calmer and work with your brain, that is likely healthy. If your behaviors are driven by shame or by a desire to make others more comfortable, that is worth examining.
a. Identify where and how you mask
The first step is noticing where you mask and assessing whether those behaviors are helpful or harmful. This resource may be helpful in identifying masking behaviors: https://www.bhcsmt.com/aamm
In my early years as an attorney, I tried hard to appear perfect so colleagues would not see my perceived faults. I reread briefs repeatedly, researched excessively out of fear I would miss something, and rehearsed conversations in my head.
Several years in, I had a mental health crisis and realized I could not keep operating that way. I set limits on how many times I could review something and how long I would research. I leaned heavily on the mantra, “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.”
On the other hand, I use far more alarms than most neurotypical people would consider reasonable. I know they are necessary because without them, I will forget things. When an alarm goes off around others, I have no problem explaining that I have ADHD and need reminders.
b. Focus on the positives and practice self-compassion
As you address the way masking is showing up in your life, keep self-compassion at the forefront. It is also important to remember that there are positive aspects to many of the characteristics we may have been taught to hide.
Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion includes:
Being kind to yourself the way you would be to a close friend
Remembering that suffering is part of the shared human experience
Practicing mindfulness by acknowledging painful emotions without ignoring or becoming consumed by them
Part of self-compassion is challenging the idea that these traits are only problems. Research suggests that recognizing strengths associated with ADHD can contribute to a higher quality of life. Some positives to remember:
Distractibility can mean we focus on many things. We are often great in a crisis, are divergent thinkers, and bring energy into a room.
Hyperactivity can mean we love to explore and learn, are enthusiastic and energetic, and are open to new experiences.
Impulsivity can mean we are creative, our lives are rich in experience, and we show up fully for others.
Emotional intensity can mean we are highly expressive, empathic, resilient, and wear our hearts on our sleeves.
Perfectionism can mean we have high standards, integrity, strong convictions, and willpower.
Masking is not inherently bad. Many of us developed it for very good reasons. The goal is not to strip away every strategy that helps us function. The goal is awareness. When we understand why we are doing something and whether it supports or depletes us, we can choose differently and reduce the burnout that so often comes from trying to appear fine. That is where real freedom begins.
